Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
