The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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