I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
