so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
