i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
