I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I deserve this hangover.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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