I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
