Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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