is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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