wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We talked him into tasing himself.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
