Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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