question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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