i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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