how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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