dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
