there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize