Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize