I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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