We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
