Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize