I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
