All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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