Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ugly people sure do ruin things
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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