Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
