I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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