Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize