I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
