you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize