Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
