Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
