hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
