My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
