there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
