you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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