Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
