Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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