So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
