real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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