Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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