called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
