Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
organizing the empties. That sober.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize