the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
