I'm drive I can fine osifer
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
