Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
