and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
