UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize