the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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