he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
