I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
