i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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