I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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