So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
