Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
false alarm. still invincible.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
