How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Drake has all the answers
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
