This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Never let your siblings swipe right.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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