You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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