I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
