I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
