New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
