i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize