Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
