Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize