Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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