somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
