Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
