I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
apparently the secret to your success is patron
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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