Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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