thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
