Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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