its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
