You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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