my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
