Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
