That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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