Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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