Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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