I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
