so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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