You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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