shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
