And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
