I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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