omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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